We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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