I must be too annoying 4 u.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
