stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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