Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
