you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
