Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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