Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
