If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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