If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
