hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
And then he peed in my hair
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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