My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
