I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
