My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
