Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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