Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
