Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
