I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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