When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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