Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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