How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
