Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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