just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
