I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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