Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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