TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
