Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We named our party play list daddy issues
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
