gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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