I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
