dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
