i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
