Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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