he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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