chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
