You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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