The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
