went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
