I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize