And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There r osticjed everywhere
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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