my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
