overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
