Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
