The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
