she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
did you just send me my own nude
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
