Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
