I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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