Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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