he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
