it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
