you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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