I've blown a few things in my day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
