No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My ATM looks so different sober.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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