Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
