he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
