it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
