I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
