first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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