Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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