i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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