I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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