Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
