Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
