is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she looked like the before picture.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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