he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
