I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
