i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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