I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
